Sometimes our life changes in the most unexpected ways! Recently a client of mine shared an amazing shift in perspective that has totally transformed her life! I’m sure many of us can relate to her story:
The Drain Game
Christina is a married and working mom of 2 small children, embroiled in the non-stop responsibilities and activities of life. She loves her family and job and has a great group of friends that she’s super grateful for. Still- something was stressing her out and draining her energy. She thought that cleaning up her to do list would give her more energy. But it felt like no matter how much she checked off her list, there were a 100 more things to do and not enough energy or time to do them. She felt like she was always playing ‘catch up’. She found herself with very little time for fun, hobbies, and self-improvement and any moments that did appear, made her want to hide away and do nothing! The ’10 year’ plan that she and her husband created years ago to propel themselves forward financially and personally didn’t seem to be blossoming at the speed they once hoped. It seemed life was on ‘repeat’ with each day, week and even year resembling the previous. They always TALKED of wanting and needing more but simply felt stuck.
What you believe, you receive
The thing is that Christina began to accept and believe that this routine was a normal part of life. “How is it possible?” she thought, “to fit ANTYHING else into our overloaded days without neglecting something else? She also saw this exact same pattern happening with her friends, so she knew that she was not the only one. Ever notice how we seek confirmation and proof in our surroundings to strengthen our beliefs, even if it doesn’t feel right?
So back to Christina. She “just” accepted routine as a ‘necessary’ part of her life and, simply, as ‘the way it is’. Her desire for personal growth was always separate from her routine because, she honestly didn’t feel that it needed or should change. She didn’t realize that you can’t separate your routine from personal growth! Although some routines are healthy, many people hold on to unnecessary routines in a way that inhibits their personal growth. As a matter of fact, they need these distracting routines to experience a feeling of control in order to suppress the emotion from moments in their life in which they lost control.
Because of Christina’s strong ‘belief’ that her routine wasn’t a problem, she blamed her exhaustion, stress and moodiness on other things.
Connecting the dots
During our recent session I asked Christina to pick out a recent situation that upset her so much, that she could still feel the emotions in the present moment. She immediately came up with a recent dispute with a friend that left her feeling frustrated. Christina describes the situation and through my questions, based on the information she is giving me, she becomes more aware of the specific details that trigger the most negative feelings in that recent situation. She focuses on that feeling until a new picture pops up from her childhood. In this memory she relives where she is, who’s around her and what is happening. The details from that memory and the emotions that those details activate lead to an even earlier moment in her life, during a car accident when she was 3 years old. She was able to relive the memory of this car accident and remembers the moment of impact when another vehicle hit them from behind. In this moment Christina felt totally out of control. She isolates that moment and remembers the screeching sound of the car, the laundry basket full of clothes flying to the front seat, the loud sound of the car horn and the pressure from her seat belt. Many of these details matched the recent dispute Christina had with her friend which took place in a car in a lot of traffic with the sounds of car horns all around her. She was able to see how those details from the recent argument match the details from the accident. By reliving the moment, her subconscious was able to reprocess those details properly, which removed their negative load. The details of this situation were able to reveal the root cause of Christina’s frustration and were instantly able to see the whole situation, totally differently.
The session directly connected her to a specific moment from her past that she couldn’t remember but that was stored away in her subconscious.
The road to renewal
Christina’s session was very successful and offered a great amount of relief, offering a lot of personal insight but that was only the beginning of her growing process. As the days passed she continued to ‘connect the dots’ of her life (past and present) totally differently. She was able to see her life from a different perspective.
All of a sudden she realized that life, doesn’t HAVE to be anything or fit into the destructive “routine” mold she created for herself. In truth, we have full control to make life what we want, once we understand how the subconscious brain controls our life! That doesn’t mean that the outcome is always exactly how we want it to be, but we have a choice to do what is best for us in every situation. She realized that it was her very beliefs that were creating the stresses of her routine. It hit her that she was letting the routine run her life, instead of creating a routine that benefited her and her family’s goals.
So what changed? What caused Christina to free herself from her exhausting routine? The answer to this question will lead to solutions in ALL areas of life that need improvement.
The bridge to better
It begins by understanding that we always do whatever it takes to avoid the most powerful negative feelings in our subconscious. Even if that means engaging in behavior that isn’t good for you emotionally or physically. As long as those things keep you away from the strongest pain, you’ll feel compelled to repeat it. This is our strongest genetic impulse. It’s called our Friend Mechanism because it protects us from pain.
In Christina’s case, the pattern of her routines distracted her from the real, more powerful root source of her deepest pain. Even though the routine was draining and stressful, it felt better than having quiet time to dig deeper and discover what was really bothering her. The routine was suppressing subconscious materiel called bad clusters. For example, Christina began to notice that seeing a bin full of dirty laundry had an immediate impact on her mood. (Remember the laundry basket from the car accident?) It made her feel instant panic. In order to avoid that annoying feeling she created a ‘schedule’ of washing, folding and organizing clothes that kept her very busy but the laundry basket empty. Of course this routine was stressful but it felt better than looking at a basket filled to the top with laundry!
This is the damaging cycle that bad clusters cause. That laundry basket filled with clothes ‘triggered’ an activation of a bad cluster- filled with powerfully emotional details from the past.
By addressing this bad cluster she’ll discover the real cause of her stressful feeling and the urge to hold on to self-sabotaging routines will be gone forever. This doesn’t mean that Christina will stop doing the laundry!! It just means that this chore won’t cause the stress and panic it once did and will prevent the draining behavior that followed. She’ll be able to handle it efficiently and productively, and without distress!
With all the knowledge and insight she gained from her session she was able to tap in more deeply to her emotional perspective of the world around her. She quickly began to see a different picture and created a new plan with her husband. It’s a new schedule on their terms. One that offers more attention and help to each of them while allowing space for rest, fun, quality time and important projects. Together they’re forging a new path. She still has responsibilities but they have become a small piece of the greater puzzle. She likes to say that she put those responsibilities ‘in their place’. They don’t control her life anymore. She has more energy and even more amazingly more ‘time’ has started to appear. Now her routine has become a springboard from which she can explore life!
See the bigger, brighter picture
Do you relate to Christina’s story?
What are your routines? We all have them. These scheduled systems can offer a sense of organization and structure in a life filled with responsibilities and unpredictability. But they’re supposed to make life easier not harder. Routine is supposed to streamline our day and create an effective way to get through all of our obligations. But too often, routine, if connected to activated bad cluster (link) will leave you feeling stuck and running in circles trying to catch up, like Christina was doing.
When you let routine become your life, it gets harder to enjoy hobbies and passions while unique experiences and precious YOU time take a back seat. When the repetition of routine takes over, it
To truly enjoy your life, to improve your reality and to live in every moment you have to free yourself from the chains of routine. But if you’re thinking, “That’s impossible” “There are only so many hours in the day” “I have work, children, a house to clean and obligations” – then it’s time to check your beliefs- and why you believe the way that you do.
The more you begin to make the proper connections in your brain, the more your beliefs shift in your favor. You’ll start to re-gain control of your life and move it in the direction of more happiness and success. Nothing and no one can hold you back! The amazing news is that YOU are stronger than your most powerful impulses. You have the natural ability to STOP running in circles and begin running forward.
Don’t settle for corners of happiness in the spaces between everyday routine. You deserve and are MEANT for so much more. Life is meant to be enjoyed in every moment! So, this very second, choose to embrace, explore, and experience the greatness of the world outside the barriers of routine and watch your world blossom.