Children are really interesting little humans aren’t they? I think a huge part of what makes most kids so special is their innocence, complete openness, and drive to learn and adapt to their environment.
The minute you meet a child it’s easy to tell if they are shy or outgoing, inquisitive, brave, cautious, loud, quiet, funny, or serious. What type of child were you? What made you special?
There is no guessing game with kids. They show you who they are right away and with no apologies! It’s inspiring and refreshing but it’s also kind of sad because often, this changes. Unfortunately, at some point down the line, we begin to cover up who we really are for the sake of fitting the ‘mold’. For many of us, this process of adaptive change started in childhood.
It’s not only draining it’s a really bad example for the children that look up to us!
So what happens and why?
The Parent Trap
Much of it has to do with our parents and guardians. Children are sponges that absorb everything around them- that includes the behaviors of their biggest role models.
Your childhood, bad or good, is a part of your story. It really impacts your current perception of life and of yourself. Our caretakers, as our primary role models, always impact us in a huge way, regardless of what type of family dynamic we grew up in. It all creates a powerful subconscious imprint that will still be felt today.
You might have noticed that you’ve adopted some of your parent’s traits even if you disliked the behavior! There are many obvious bad habits we might adopt from our parents like unhealthy eating, financial mismanagement, or smoking.
But there are also, not so obvious, behaviors we adopt from our caretakers that have an even more damaging impact on our identity, confidence, beliefs, and emotional well-being.
We all make many mistakes as children and do a lot of things that our parents or guardians disagree with. Because of that, we get corrected, which often feels like disapproval and rejection. Because of this painful subconscious comparison material, we create beliefs and feelings that tell us we have to adjust to get the approval of others. In some cases we might even develop beliefs that whatever we do, it’s never good enough in the eyes of our parents, and other role models in our life. Later, we create a deep concern with how people view us.
The good news is that this trait is completely changeable. This tendency is not genetic. It’s learned. I can help you with a number of new solutions that can guide you in a different direction.
Looking In the Mirror
Self-reflection is key.
If you think about it honestly, how much do other people’s opinions influence your decisions? Does it consume a major part of your public identity or does it impact certain key aspects of your life that you wish you could do differently?
Some people live their whole life for others, to make their parents proud, to impress friends, or even, to compete’ with their peers. This type of acceptance is a powerful motivator that drives a lot of this behavior. What others think of you can drive how you dress, where you work, and even whom you love. Life does require certain compromises for the safety and comfort of yourself and others, but when those sacrifices begin to impact your personal happiness and freedom, there’s a problem!
Living your life for approval drains you of important energy, disconnects you from your own purpose and takes away your freedom to explore life on your terms.
The truth is, once you experience the freedom, success, and rewards that come from just being YOU without the worry of judgment, you’ll never turn back. I’ve seen it so many times! And you can get there- easily and quickly!
It just requires the right solution. It begins with evaluating WHY you care so much. I’m especially referring to those moments in which you feel a strong need to do something caring for someone else, even though it is neither logical or your problem. This internal urge can even reach a level of obsessiveness. It can get even worse if others tell you, verbally or non-verbally, that they expect something from you. Those unhealthy feelings are 100% bad cluster controlled and it’s easy to get rid of them.
The preoccupations with others’ thoughts comes down to those beliefs we inadvertently adopted during our early live experiences. They are beliefs that drive the way we see ourselves and other people. But we can change these beliefs to benefit ourselves!
The Belief Breakdown
If you round up the courage to look at yourself in an honest way and assess the reasons why you worry what others think, what would you discover? Is it solely out of pure love, or do other feelings play an important role? Is it possible that concern over what people think is also driven by feelings like: fear, shame, responsibility, or anger?
If you believe that it is out of pure “love” than please consider the following: Do you ever feel a strong NEED to behave the way others expect you to? What would you feel if you refused to behave that way? Would you feel really bad and guilty about yourself? If that is the case, how is it possible that you’re acting out of pure love? This would mean that giving out of love would be exhausting. Acts of pure love never exhaust you. On the contrary; they will give you energy!
Awareness of these emotions, and especially about the root source of these feelings, is the first step in deciding whether to continue this exhausting behavior or to change for the better.
Whatever you’re feeling, it’s motivated by a powerful source hidden in your brain.
Once you tap into this deeply rooted source of powerful emotion, you’ll unlock and release it’s sabotaging impact on your life forever.
Mind Your Business!
What others think of you is their business and honestly has nothing to do with you. Once you begin to live life more authentically, you’ll be happier and the people who matter most WILL support you. What do I mean by authentic? It means making well-informed decisions unconditionally and without fear. I know too many people that fear what others might think of them if they begin following their heart’s desire. You’ll notice when this illogical fear is removed, you’ll act in the way you were naturally born to act! You’ll be as free as a child who proudly conveys who they are to the world 🙂
This may sound like a different way of thinking but you’ll start to notice pretty quickly that changing will feel a lot better, despite the fact that other people might not be so happy with your changed behavior. They might try to force you back into “the old person” again. Ask yourself how much does a person like that REALY care about YOU? If that person really loves YOU for WHO YOU ARE and has the best life in mind for you, they will not stop you, or get in your way, but instead will encourage your change. They will support YOU. This is actually the best way to discover if these people enrich your life or take away from it.
Either way, their response will provide a clear answer as to where they stand. Then, you can decide what you want to do with that ;).
You are extremely special and unique. You have a light that will brighten your path to the life that’s always been meant for you. Don’t hide your light anymore and begin to live in the joy of fearless authenticity today!