We live in an era of advice overload. I don’t know about you, but my Twitter and Facebook feeds are filled with 101 ways to conquer an interview, find love, lose weight, and even how to clean the shower the right way! I’m just saying;)
It seems there’s a demand for answers. There’s a hunger for step by step directions and secrets for many of life’s daily and long term to-dos. We want to do better, want to BE better and are on a mad hunt to find the right, most effective way to do this.
Advice can offer us important perspective and insight about our life, and can even solve more practical dilemmas like choosing the right school, job, or doctor. But what about more serious problems that impact growth, happiness and health? How does advice play into these life-changing situations?
If you’ve ever offered advice to a friend confronting a serious personal issue you know how tricky it can be to say the right thing- something that will spark a light bulb which forces an Oprah enriched ‘aha!’ moment.
Even if the advice is appropriate or even PERFECT, we’ve watched friends walk right back into the same pattern of behavior again and again. Even professional advice-givers like counselors report seeing high levels of clients who constantly return to old behavior patterns.
Have you ever witnessed this? For example, many of us have had that friend that KEEPS choosing guys that are all wrong for her! Time and again she shows up at your doorstep, looking defeated and crying about what her boyfriend did to her. Even if she breaks up with him, to your surprise her next boyfriend shows similar attitude and behavioral patterns to the one she just broke up with.
She just keeps missing those red flags YOU see so clearly and she ends up hurt over and over despite what you or anyone else says. It can be very upsetting to watch friends and loved ones fall into the same cycle of self-sabotaging behavior like this. Have you ever asked yourself why they keep doing it?
It’s All In Your Head
Your friends KNOW what’s best for them. They recognize and respect good advice but often find themselves falling off the wagon of ‘good’ decisions and behaviors-again- despite their better logic and common sense.
Why does this happen and if advise isn’t useful, what IS the best way we can help friends with the fall out of their bad behaviors and decisions?
First of all it’s very important that your friend really wants to accept your help. If not, she will not absorb the real content of your advice and will not change her behavior no matter how much time you spend with her or what tools you use.
The bottom line is that negative behaviors and habits will only end when the root cause of their issues are addressed and healed. It’s something traditional advice is not equipped for. Science shows us that advice doesn’t even scratch the surface of solving some of life’s most significant problems. That’s because advice may sound logical and rationally correct but if it’s doesn’t connect emotionally, it will not impact people on a deeper level. Emotions, based in our subconscious brain, are tied to our deepest beliefs, desires, and behaviors.
Until you are changed on a deep subconscious level, you’ll find yourself in the same trouble over and over again.
You may be asking yourself, how in the world do I even begin to address something that’s in my subconscious? This may sound like a lot of complicated work. Well the truth is, it’s a lot easier than you may think, and your effort will pay-off big time in your favor! 🙂
Making The Connection
It’s as simple as embracing curiosity- about yourself and the world around you. You’d be surprised by how connected it all is!
Your brain is an incredible ‘machine’ which processes and stores every good and bad experience you’ve EVER had- and how you felt about each of those things- in your subconscious. Even the experiences you don’t remember are all there! It’s like you carry around a super long movie of everything you’ve ever seen, touched, heard, and learned. These experiences and the feelings associated with them make up who you are and are the driving force behind your beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts. On top of that, all of the things in your environment act as triggers that constantly activate specific emotions in your body.
So what happens when our brain processes things incorrectly? (This happens more often than you would think!)
Groups of incorrectly processed data form every time your body’s ‘Fight or Flight’ response is activated. These groups of incorrectly processed information (known as bad clusters) create havoc in your system, causing random emotional episodes, bad habits, physical illness, and self-sabotaging behaviors and decisions. They happen to be connected to feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, and more. These so called ‘bad clusters’ are the ROOT SOURCE of your issues!!
Healing From The Inside
Here’s the good news. You have access to bad clusters and the power to eliminate them forever. Understanding the amazing language of the subconscious will heal you and the ones you care about most. With a little knowledge you’ll recognize the why behind your actions and how to stop them!
Once you reveal a bad cluster, it gets transformed and processed correctly and can never again impact your life. You’ll see the answers more clearly and won’t be pushed into self-sabotaging behaviors ever again.
So the next time someone is looking to you for help, remind them that the solution is in their hands. They hold the key to unlocking the chains holding them back from true happiness.
The best advice offers a reminder that self-evolution begins with self-discovery.