Why Childhood Bullying Impacts Everyone

Why Childhood Bullying Impacts Everyone

There has been a lot of talk about bullying lately – and with good reason. Bullying is a traumatic experience that deeply marks victims and impacts every aspect of their life, long after the harassment ends. In America alone, 28 percent of kids are victims of bullying throughout the school year. Now, new platforms of victimization offered by the digital age means bullies can continue their harassment via text, email, YouTube and social media.  In fact, according to latest stats on cyber bullying, more than 50 percent of teens say they’ve witnessed online bullying of classmates and friends online. This powerful public platform works to compound the feelings of embarrassment, fear and shame associated with bullying and creates new and complex challenges for individuals and groups looking to help victims and put an end to this type of harassment.

Bullies Leave Invisible Scars

To fully grasp the serious impact of bullying on victims, I wanted to share Danielle’s story. She takes us back to a time when she was 11 years old. For Danielle, getting ready for school stirs up thoughts that instantly make her panic.  She thinks about the hallways packed with other students, her heavy books falling to the floor, the sound of the bell between classes. She thinks about the changing room in gym where other girls whisper mean things about her skinny frame and frail appearance. She thinks about sitting by herself in the lunchroom and the picture of kids whispering and laughing. These thoughts put her stomach in knots and her hands get all sweaty. Her breathing becomes heavier. She is afraid.

These images make Danielle anxious because they remind her of the bullying that she endures daily. Children laughing at her, saying mean things as they walk behind her in the hallways, and playing mean tricks on her have become frequent occurrences. She’s even been pushed and spit on. To make matters worse, she feels alone and like she can’t tell anyone. She fears that if she tells the teachers, she’ll be labeled a ‘tattle tale’ causing worse bullying. She worries about her parents coming to school and making a scene and embarrassing her.

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She is also concerned about ‘disappointing’ her parents who have an image of her as confident, happy and popular. Because the truth is, she doesn’t feel confident, happy or popular. The bullying is making her feel horrible about herself. She’s anxious about saying and doing all the ‘wrong’ things that will make her a ‘target.’ It seems to her that no matter what she says or does, she’ll be a target for bullies.

Every day she feels like crying but fears more teasing so she pushes down her feelings and continues with her day. All of it combines to create an intense mix of shame, embarrassment, self-hatred, anger, sadness and loneliness. It’s impacting her school work and worse, her joy and self-image.

Bullies Attack Belief

She started to believe that who she really is, makes her a target for bullies and begins to create the belief system that she needs to be someone else. She begins to pay closer attention to how ‘popular’ kids dress, act, walk and talk. She ‘learned’ how to play this part – the part of a ‘normal’ girl.

So, at the end of the school year, when she moves with her family to a different city, she sees it as an opportunity for a ‘new’ start and vows to herself that she will never be bullied again. Playing this part of a ‘normal’ girl starts to pay off, at least for a while. She begins making lots of friends and getting invited to birthday parties and other special events. She starts to see the ‘rewards’ of playing the part and feels like her problem (being bullied) has been solved.

This belief that playing the part is better than being herself, became deeply embedded in her subconscious as a response to the trauma of bullying (It’s interesting that we form our beliefs systems to convince ourselves that it will keep us away from immediate harm). Her belief systems become such a part of her identity that the act of ‘role playing’ becomes a very natural, automatic behavior that she does not consciously think about.

Bullies disappear. The pain stays.

As she gets older and into college she makes lots of friends and remains popular but continues to battle with bouts of depression, anxiety and insecurity. She also struggles with the authenticity of her friendships and wonders why she never feels like she can be totally ‘herself’ with even her closest friends. These overwhelming negative feelings consume her even during otherwise happy moments.

In adulthood even with a great job, family and group of friends she still struggles with these powerful emotions and wonders why? She even starts to doubt her present life circumstances. Perhaps she’s suffering from early signs of depression or maybe she needs a different group of friends around her? Perhaps it’s time for a career change?

Danielle isn’t quite sure what’s wrong but she becomes determined to do away with this ‘distraction’ as soon as she can so she can “enjoy” her life. She begins to seek ‘traditional’ forms of assistance like counseling, meditation and medication – but none of it solves the issue permanently.

It’s because none of these forms of ‘help’ address the root source of her emotional challenges. We now know that to address the problem we have to approach the subconscious, where every experience we’ve ever had is stored, in an effective way in order to transform their negative effects on our present life. Every single piece of data absorbed through our senses is coded with a particular feeling that was present at the moment you stored this information. Whenever we come across a similar piece of data in our present environment, we instantly experience that same feeling in our body. This is how our subconscious allows us to process and confront the world in front of us.

Those pieces of data with the most powerfully negative feelings impact us even more intensely. So when Danielle was bullied, during the periods of the most traumatic attacks, which caused her to feel an extreme loss of control, her body entered a heightened survival mode. In that state, everything her senses absorbed (The sound of the school bell, the color of her books, crowds of children passing in the hallway, the sound of laughter) was processed with that extremely negative, anxious feeling combined with sweating, increased heartbeat and tensed muscles. This negativity is activated by a number of triggers in Danielle’s present environment. ANYTHING that resembles this powerful data, impacts her immediately.

So what Danielle experienced so many years ago, is still impacting her today in very powerful ways. It’s even impacted her belief systems about her self-worth, image, social interaction and friendships which has driven every aspect of her life.

When the pain disappears, clarity moves in.

When Danielle directly addresses this data, called bad clusters, it will instantly free her of the physical symptoms which she labeled as depression, anxiety, and insecurity. Even more amazing is that those self-sabotaging belief systems that kept her stuck in superficial friendships and living a life for others- totally transformed. She feels the freedom to be herself totally and she begins to live the life that is meant for her unique personality.  Revealing and re-processing this data in a proper way will reveal the root source of emotional challenges, removing them permanently and offering permanent transformation, clarity and peace of mind.

It’s a process that will end the pain from the past, once and for all.

Research by the Dutch Government

What’s really amazing about this unique technique is that it doesn’t just address the pain of victims. It also addresses the bullies themselves by targeting the emotional root source of the behavior. It’s a successful two-pronged approach that’s offered astonishing results. In one key case, the Dutch government funded a pilot program which addressed bullying using Progressive Mental Alignment with mind blowing results- bullying decreased by 75% overall. For the Dutch readers visit this link. The study, powerfully highlights how the Progressive Mental Alignment technique addresses and improves behavior and emotional challenges on a deep subconscious level.

Why there’s a Global Benefit

It’s the type of solution that reaches and removes the root source of the problem – permanently. Some popular anti-bullying campaigns focus on shedding light on the greater impact of bullying while encouraging victims and bystanders to report incidents of harassment. While these efforts can help shed light on the seriousness of bullying, they don’t reach the core of the crises.

It’s time for a powerful solution that offers permanent healing for victims AND bullies. Every emotion and behavior has a past. Pinpointing the most powerful pieces from the past that drive our thoughts, actions and pain will offer effortless peace, boundless possibilities and powerful permanent solutions to society’s greatest problems.

Join me on the amazing journey towards global peace today!


Discover and dismantle the root source of all your emotional and physical pain!

What Every Argument Reveals About You

Ever had an opinion about something, or someone, and you felt it in your entire body that your opinion was based on solid facts and therefore the only right opinion? (Read: believe system) Every vessel in your body is telling you that you are so right about this!

The only resolution at that point with people who see it differently is that you agree to disagree 🙂

Ever notice how this can lead to endless and frustrating discussions? They just drain your energy and it completely messes with your mood!

 

The battle of beliefs

Some think that heated arguments really serve no purpose. But “weirdly” enough, on a deeper level, they do! An argument often hides conflicts on a deeper level. Some arguments (beliefs) in such heated discussions ‘trigger’ subconscious data that is loaded with negative physiology. It is this physiology that creates powerful, but rigid beliefs and can make you very upset when someone tries to convince you otherwise.

What every argument reveals about you

You are convinced that the other person has to understand what you’re saying and your arguments and beliefs will support that, even if it means that you have to yell at them. They need to understand and that’s what it is! Bring it on. 🙂

Basically you out-voice yourself because deep, deep down you know that your beliefs are not as solid-based as you would like to think.

Just compare it to those other moments in which you had an opinion and explained it to someone that disagreed with you, but without any intensity, no yelling and in total calmness. Whatever the other beliefs were, nothing and nobody could take you out of balance, regardless of how intense they trying to undermine your opinion. You respect their way of thinking but are 100% sure that they are wrong.

 

Tame the triggers!

But if there is an exchange of emotional outbursts with name calling, yelling, crying, slamming of doors and pointing, be assured that bad clusters are active and the root cause of this unhealthy and disruptive behavior.

No matter what you say, at the end, you’re left drained and usually, still angry and frustrated! Why? Because what you ultimately want is for the other person to take on your point of view. If they don’t do that, you are left with that nagging, energy draining feeling in your body. To suppress the content of your activated bad clusters, you need their confirmation that your beliefs are correct. If they keep disagreeing with you these discussions can even create feelings of personal rejection and affect your self-worth negatively.

Some people feel so strongly about their ‘point’ that they don’t talk to others for years.

But even if someone steps up and apologizes; even if there is some sort of resolution or ‘cool down’, do you really ever get over what angered you initially?

You will be totally surprised to discover that in most cases, the real subconscious cause of your anger and frustration has nothing to do with the content of the argument but everything to do with things like facial expressions, word choice, body movement, colors, sounds, etc. that were present during such an argument. These basic ingredients can activate subconscious comparison material that is loaded with powerfully negative feelings. You project these feelings in your body onto the person or subject of the discussion and you create frustrated beliefs that do not serve you or the other person. Seeing that person the next time will activate all these negative feelings again. That’s why you can’t get over it and sometimes have the argument over and over.

With the tools I can provide, you’ll be able to put a permanent stop to these frustrating conversations. So that’s a good thing, don’t you think? 🙂

 

Redefine Relationships

You can begin repairing relationships with the people you care about by separating the triggers from the person. You can’t change the person BUT you can change how you respond to those particular triggers that upset you.

I’ve shared where those triggers come from in past blogs and if you interested in learning more about how to trace those triggers to their exact origin read this blog.

There are some relationships that will not be good for YOU even if you iron out all the triggers. But once you resolved the bad cluster, you’ll be able to make well-informed decisions and have discussions without any fear or frustration.

You will become a much more balanced person but if it remains a toxic relationship, you’ll decide whether or not that relationship is worth it.

None of this means that you won’t have disagreements or misunderstandings but the purpose will shift to one in which you are trying to find a resolution.

It’s about honesty and it all starts with being honest- about and to yourself! When you and the other person find the subconscious cause of why you’re upset and if you’re willing to adjust it in an effective way, it will create a whole different level of understanding- of yourself AND the other person.

Begin experiencing happier relationships and friendships today!

Witness the powerful and immediate impact of Progressive Mental Alignment on yourself and others!

How To Stop Caring What ‘They’ Think

Children are really interesting little humans aren’t they? I think a huge part of what makes most kids so special is their innocence, complete openness, and drive to learn and adapt to their environment.

The minute you meet a child it’s easy to tell if they are shy or outgoing, inquisitive, brave, cautious, loud, quiet, funny, or serious. What type of child were you? What made you special?

There is no guessing game with kids. They show you who they are right away and with no apologies! It’s inspiring and refreshing but it’s also kind of sad because often, this changes. Unfortunately, at some point down the line, we begin to cover up who we really are for the sake of fitting the ‘mold’. For many of us, this process of adaptive change started in childhood.

It’s not only draining it’s a really bad example for the children that look up to us!

So what happens and why?

 

The Parent Trap

Much of it has to do with our parents and guardians. Children are sponges that absorb everything around them- that includes the behaviors of their biggest role models.

Your childhood, bad or good, is a part of your story. It really impacts your current perception of life and of yourself. Our caretakers, as our primary role models, always impact us in a huge way, regardless of what type of family dynamic we grew up in. It all creates a powerful subconscious imprint that will still be felt today.

You might have noticed that you’ve adopted some of your parent’s traits even if you disliked the behavior! There are many obvious bad habits we might adopt from our parents like unhealthy eating, financial mismanagement, or smoking.

But there are also, not so obvious, behaviors we adopt from our caretakers that have an even more damaging impact on our identity, confidence, beliefs, and emotional well-being.

We all make many mistakes as children and do a lot of things that our parents or guardians disagree with. Because of that, we get corrected, which often feels like disapproval and rejection. Because of this painful subconscious comparison material, we create beliefs and feelings that tell us we have to adjust to get the approval of others. In some cases we might even develop beliefs that whatever we do, it’s never good enough in the eyes of our parents, and other role models in our life. Later, we create a deep concern with how people view us.

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The good news is that this trait is completely changeable. This tendency is not genetic. It’s learned. I can help you with a number of new solutions that can guide you in a different direction.

 

Looking In the Mirror

Self-reflection is key.

If you think about it honestly, how much do other people’s opinions influence your decisions? Does it consume a major part of your public identity or does it impact certain key aspects of your life that you wish you could do differently?

Some people live their whole life for others, to make their parents proud, to impress friends, or even, to compete’ with their peers. This type of acceptance is a powerful motivator that drives a lot of this behavior. What others think of you can drive how you dress, where you work, and even whom you love. Life does require certain compromises for the safety and comfort of yourself and others, but when those sacrifices begin to impact your personal happiness and freedom, there’s a problem!

Living your life for approval drains you of important energy, disconnects you from your own purpose and takes away your freedom to explore life on your terms.

The truth is, once you experience the freedom, success, and rewards that come from just being YOU without the worry of judgment, you’ll never turn back. I’ve seen it so many times! And you can get there- easily and quickly!

It just requires the right solution. It begins with evaluating WHY you care so much. I’m especially referring to those moments in which you feel a strong need to do something caring for someone else, even though it is neither logical or your problem. This internal urge can even reach a level of obsessiveness. It can get even worse if others tell you, verbally or non-verbally, that they expect something from you. Those unhealthy feelings are 100% bad cluster controlled and it’s easy to get rid of them.

The preoccupations with others’ thoughts comes down to those beliefs we inadvertently adopted during our early live experiences. They are beliefs that drive the way we see ourselves and other people. But we can change these beliefs to benefit ourselves!

 

The Belief Breakdown

If you round up the courage to look at yourself in an honest way and assess the reasons why you worry what others think, what would you discover? Is it solely out of pure love, or do other feelings play an important role? Is it possible that concern over what people think is also driven by feelings like: fear, shame, responsibility, or anger?

If you believe that it is out of pure “love” than please consider the following: Do you ever feel a strong NEED to behave the way others expect you to? What would you feel if you refused to behave that way? Would you feel really bad and guilty about yourself? If that is the case, how is it possible that you’re acting out of pure love? This would mean that giving out of love would be exhausting. Acts of pure love never exhaust you. On the contrary; they will give you energy!

Awareness of these emotions, and especially about the root source of these feelings, is the first step in deciding whether to continue this exhausting behavior or to change for the better.

Whatever you’re feeling, it’s motivated by a powerful source hidden in your brain.

Once you tap into this deeply rooted source of powerful emotion, you’ll unlock and release it’s sabotaging impact on your life forever.

 

Mind Your Business!

What others think of you is their business and honestly has nothing to do with you. Once you begin to live life more authentically, you’ll be happier and the people who matter most WILL support you. What do I mean by authentic?  It means making well-informed decisions unconditionally and without fear. I know too many people that fear what others might think of them if they begin following their heart’s desire. You’ll notice when this illogical fear is removed, you’ll act in the way you were naturally born to act! You’ll be as free as a child who proudly conveys who they are to the world 🙂

This may sound like a different way of thinking but you’ll start to notice pretty quickly that changing will feel a lot better, despite the fact that other people might not be so happy with your changed behavior. They might try to force you back into  “the old person” again. Ask yourself how much does a person like that REALY care about YOU? If that person really loves YOU for WHO YOU ARE and has the best life in mind for you, they will not stop you, or get in your way, but instead will encourage your change. They will support YOU. This is actually the best way to discover if these people enrich your life or take away from it.

Either way, their response will provide a clear answer as to where they stand. Then, you can decide what you want to do with that ;).

You are extremely special and unique. You have a light that will brighten your path to the life that’s always been meant for you. Don’t hide your light anymore and begin to live in the joy of fearless authenticity today!

Learn about the most powerful subconscious forces behind all of your behaviors and beliefs!

Why Advice Doesn’t Work

We live in an era of advice overload. I don’t know about you, but my Twitter and Facebook feeds are filled with 101 ways to conquer an interview, find love, lose weight, and even how to clean the shower the right way! I’m just saying;)

It seems there’s a demand for answers. There’s a hunger for step by step directions and secrets for many of life’s daily and long term to-dos. We want to do better, want to BE better and are on a mad hunt to find the right, most effective way to do this.

Advice can offer us important perspective and insight about our life, and can even solve more practical dilemmas like choosing the right school, job, or doctor. But what about more serious problems that impact growth, happiness and health? How does advice play into these life-changing situations?

If you’ve ever offered advice to a friend confronting a serious personal issue you know how tricky it can be to say the right thing- something that will spark a light bulb which forces an Oprah enriched ‘aha!’ moment.

Even if the advice is appropriate or even PERFECT, we’ve watched friends walk right back into the same pattern of behavior again and again. Even professional advice-givers like counselors report seeing high levels of clients who constantly return to old behavior patterns.

Have you ever witnessed this? For example, many of us have had that friend that KEEPS choosing guys that are all wrong for her! Time and again she shows up at your doorstep, looking defeated and crying about what her boyfriend did to her. Even if she breaks up with him, to your surprise her next boyfriend shows similar attitude and behavioral patterns to the one she just broke up with.

She just keeps missing those red flags YOU see so clearly and she ends up hurt over and over despite what you or anyone else says.  It can be very upsetting to watch friends and loved ones fall into the same cycle of self-sabotaging behavior like this. Have you ever asked yourself why they keep doing it?

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It’s All In Your Head

Your friends KNOW what’s best for them. They recognize and respect good advice but often find themselves falling off the wagon of ‘good’ decisions and behaviors-again- despite their better logic and common sense.

Why does this happen and if advise isn’t useful, what IS the best way we can help friends with the fall out of their bad behaviors and decisions?

First of all it’s very important that your friend really wants to accept your help. If not, she will not absorb the real content of your advice and will not change her behavior no matter how much time you spend with her or what tools you use.

The bottom line is that negative behaviors and habits will only end when the root cause of their issues are addressed and healed. It’s something traditional advice is not equipped for. Science shows us that advice doesn’t even scratch the surface of solving some of life’s most significant problems. That’s because advice may sound logical and rationally correct but if it’s doesn’t connect emotionally, it will not impact people on a deeper level. Emotions, based in our subconscious brain, are tied to our deepest beliefs, desires, and behaviors.

Until you are changed on a deep subconscious level, you’ll find yourself in the same trouble over and over again.

You may be asking yourself, how in the world do I even begin to address something that’s in my subconscious? This may sound like a lot of complicated work. Well the truth is, it’s a lot easier than you may think, and your effort will pay-off big time in your favor! 🙂

 

Making The Connection

It’s as simple as embracing curiosity- about yourself and the world around you. You’d be surprised by how connected it all is!

Your brain is an incredible ‘machine’ which processes and stores every good and bad experience you’ve EVER had- and how you felt about each of those things- in your subconscious. Even the experiences you don’t remember are all there! It’s like you carry around a super long movie of everything you’ve ever seen, touched, heard, and learned. These experiences and the feelings associated with them make up who you are and are the driving force behind your beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts. On top of that, all of the things in your environment act as triggers that constantly activate specific emotions in your body.

So what happens when our brain processes things incorrectly? (This happens more often than you would think!)

Groups of incorrectly processed data form every time your body’s ‘Fight or Flight’ response is activated. These groups of incorrectly processed information (known as bad clusters) create havoc in your system, causing random emotional episodes, bad habits, physical illness, and self-sabotaging behaviors and decisions. They happen to be connected to feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, and more. These so called ‘bad clusters’ are the ROOT SOURCE of your issues!!

 

Healing From The Inside

Here’s the good news. You have access to bad clusters and the power to eliminate them forever. Understanding the amazing language of the subconscious will heal you and the ones you care about most. With a little knowledge you’ll recognize the why behind your actions and how to stop them!

Once you reveal a bad cluster, it gets transformed and processed correctly and can never again impact your life. You’ll see the answers more clearly and won’t be pushed into self-sabotaging behaviors ever again.

So the next time someone is looking to you for help, remind them that the solution is in their hands. They hold the key to unlocking the chains holding them back from true happiness.

The best advice offers a reminder that self-evolution begins with self-discovery.


Explore the depths of your subconscious and the powerful impact of a Progressive Mental Alignment session right from home!

When Giving Doesn’t Help

“When you learn, Teach. When you get, Give” – Maya Angelou

Giving is love’s greatest poem.

To give means to offer your energy, kindness, protection, comfort, time, ideas, attention, resources, and more to benefit another person or cause.  To relinquish ourselves of these most valuable treasures is a beautiful sacrifice in which your needs and desires are placed behind something or someone else’s.

It’s a powerful tool that builds bridges from separation to ultimate unity. The connection that happens between giver and receiver breeds joy, contentment, and inspiration for all parties involved.

I always had the desire to help others in any way I could. When I learned how to apply the Progressive Mental Alignment technique, giving became much more meaningful and enjoyable. I cannot even express the immense difference between the results before and after Progressive Mental Alignment when it comes to health and relationship issues. The most unexpected surprise was the amazing impact it had on my own personal growth and health.

You can learn so much from helping others when you’re doing it in a meaningful and effective way! This is one of the most important reasons I started my blog. I wanted to share my experience with as many people as possible.

It was a long and hard road in self-discovery that cost me a lot of energy, money and disappointment. Now I’m able to pass the answers and solutions on to others, saving them all those unnecessary hardships. So many people can experience more happiness and success in life if they possess the right tools.

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The Giver’s Light

Have you ever experienced the great energy of a giver at work? There is a certain light that follows them wherever they go.  Historical figures like Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Jr. were famous for their purposeful giving. They inspired millions! But there are people in our own life who are just as impactful. They really are our life’s greatest heroes.

Who was the biggest giver in your life? Did they inspire you to give?

A friend told me: “As a child I was inspired by a teacher that went above and beyond for his students. He’d come in early to tutor students that were having trouble and stayed late to offer his advice and guidance. On weekends he appeared at sports events and at special family activities. For many, he was a father figure. He gave everything he had and in return was greatly loved and respected.” She told me that she will never forget his devotion.

That type of life is contagious and has the power to heal the world but it also has another more unexplored and often damaging impact.

If you’re a giver you recognize the type of impact your life can have on others…but could there also be a cost?

The Cost of Selflessness

While giving is a natural human act that gives us value and purpose, it can also drain us of the very energy we want to share with others.

You may be familiar with the feeling of having to pick up the phone when a friend calls or forcing yourself out of bed to attend an event that’s important to someone else. What are you neglecting in these moments? Maybe your home is disorganized or your kids are asking to spend more time with you. Perhaps you’ve missed out on events and hobbies that are particularly enjoyable and important to you.

This can make you feel like you’re being pulled from different directions and leave you feeling exhausted, guilty, and ultimately unhappy.

This type of giving can also affect your physical health and mental well-being in a huge way. If you recognize this feeling it may be a clue that a greater truth needs to be explored within you.

Ask yourself, why does giving feel like such an obligation sometimes? Why am I so exhausted all the time? Why am I often so consumed by guilt?

How can you give in a way that is impactful but also moves you to improve your own life?

Stop, Breath, and Love Yourself

The answer begins by realizing the importance of YOU! Healing yourself is the first and most important step to healing the world. It is your most important responsibility.

I’m inviting you to stop, breath, and love yourself enough to address the wounds within.

Unlock the secrets of your subconscious, reclaim your true power and identity, and experience pure joy.

I know I talk a lot about how Progressive Mental Alignment is life changing. It’s because I’ve been that person in need of help. I once thought there was no hope. I know all too well how terrible that feeling is and don’t want you feel that way any longer. Progressive Mental Alignment really does provide the tools that allow you to dig deep into the reasons behind your behaviors and feelings.

Learn more than you’ve ever learned about yourself and others.

Improve your life, and give with limitless energy.

If I can do it you can too!!

Learn how to change your life and help the ones you love the most transform!

Why Everyone Responds Differently To 1 Situation

It’s Friday night and you’ve made plans with a bunch of friends to have some drinks after work. You’re super excited about it and can’t wait till it’s 6 o’clock. This morning, you carefully selected your favorite shoes, and those new pair of pants you’ve been dying to wear – because showing your coworkers that you’re fun outside of work is an absolute necessity, so the outfit must reflect itself as such. All of this gives you such a joyful feeling.

At work you see some of your friends and talk about the new place you guys are going to visit at the end of the day. In your head, you’ve already envisioned the good things that are waiting for you. By the way, have you ever noticed that by remembering all the good things from a previous experienced event you already increased your good feeling? You have your own happy brain ‘machine’ inside you, how cool is that?

Anyway, you look at the clock and it’s almost 6, you finish your last tasks and leave together with your friend to the new, cool place to have some drinks. You laugh together and you feel the great connection and energy between all of you.

The person who gave you the address of that place should get a big thank you because it rocks. There’s nice little sitting areas with comfortable couches and chairs, dim lights and trendy music. This is exactly what you envisioned the night to be like – a true happy place.

Happy Hour

After an hour of so you hear a lot of noise coming from the left side of you. Because of all of the different noises in there it’s not clear to you what it is yet, but you feel a light tremble in your chest. As the sound comes closer to where you and your friends are, you clearly see who’s making all the noise. A drunken man stumbles towards your group and waves his hand, clenched in a fist, and he’s being obscene, cursing out loud. His face is so angry, you can tell by the frowning of his eyes and his mouth that are wide open.

You feel the tension in your body and can hardly say a word while you look around at your group of friends. Some are laughing and talking back to him. Others stand up and walk a way. One even tries to reason with the guy who is not responding at him at all. And there you are, frozen in your chair. You want to sly away but somehow you can get yourself in motion. The drunken man has no control over his movements and drops on the floor just in front of the table.

Security comes over and takes the man away.

What’s most surprising is the fact that every single one of your friends is reacting totally differently! Some are just continuing with their drinks and conversation, some are talking about what just happened and others wave it away, looking like it didn’t bother them at all. And here you are sitting in the chair with tense muscles, headache and a racing heartbeat so loud that you’re sure that if the music was turned down everyone could hear it. The great feeling you had all day, and into the night vanishes after this situation and what came in return was fear, anger and a feeling of loneliness.

My point is: The drunken man did not physically touch or hurt you, and yet you feel so miserable, how come?

The way in which we react physically depending on what we observe is completely controlled by our subconscious brain. But how does that work? Our subconscious brain is like a huge supercomputer. It follows strict rules in processing incoming and outgoing information. It processes (on average) about a million times more signals (data) then you will ever become consciously aware of. Actually, this huge subconscious process is responsible for having awareness.

Everything we have experienced in our life is stored in our subconscious ‘database’ as comparison material to identify future events that are similar. If we would not store what we experience, then we would never be able to remember or learn anything. We would have nothing to compare present observations and events to, and would have to experience every detail of life like it was a completely new experience every time. Makes sense, right?

But how our subconscious comparison material identifies the things we see, hear, taste, smell and touch is one thing. Actually, a computer can do the same analyzing process. However, there is one thing a computer cannot do, and that is feel! As a human being we can analyze too, but what makes us human is the fact that we can feel. Our subconscious does not just store the details of what we see, hear, taste, smell and touch, but also what we feel about these details.

For instance, when you thought about the time with your friends, the words ‘friends’, ‘new place’, ‘fun’, ‘Friday’ activated all kinds of details about previous experiences with other friends that were stored in your subconscious. If most of those ‘going out with friends’ details are stored with a very positive feeling, you will experience a positive feeling when you think about it. This is what gave you that boost of energy you experienced in the morning of that specific Friday. But because the ingredients of the incident with the drunken guy activated other previously stored events in your brain. These activated experiences were not as fun for you, and consequently, are loaded with negative feelings. Because these feelings are so strong, and often connected to fear, they will always overrule your positive feelings. However, if you have no negative comparison material form your past about drunken people with clenched fists, angry facial expressions, etc., your body will react totally differently. The feelings in our body cause us to create beliefs about what we observe. Our actions are based on those beliefs we hold or create, and that’s why everyone will respond differently when in the exact same situation.

In my future blogs I will address (step-by-step) how your feelings, belief systems and behavior are controlled by your subconscious. And what is even more important, how you can change negatively stored experiences into positive ones. I promise insight in how this works will change your life forever! But for now, if you’re immediately interested in how this works there’s a fantastic book in Solutions & Tools called Desirable Power that discusses the scientific background behind this information.

There is so much more to tell about our subconscious, how it works and how we can use these insights to change our health and behavior for the better. I just want to provide some insight, and let you know that whatever you experience in your body and behavior, or the reactions you express, you can change it! Deep down you know how you feel, and know when you do things that do not serve you. There are answers and solutions for that, and if you allow me, I will give you possibilities to change them for the better – and forever.

Image credit: MSN News


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