When you woke up this morning, were you all relaxed and able to take your time to start your day? Or did it take you some time to wake up; snoozing a little bit until you slowly felt your whole body energize?
Or perhaps you woke up and INSTANTLY, your mind filled with your to-do list. If so, what does it feel like, knowing there is a huge list of responsibilities awaiting you? Does it ‘drive’ you to conquer the day? I’m familiar with those types of mornings in which I open my eyes, instantly see my calendar in my head with all my appointments and get up running at full speed 🙂
Some may view this behavior as being highly driven…but driven by what, exactly?
“Drive” in many ways, is glorified and usually described as a respectable quality. Society doesn’t really care WHAT drives you so long as it keeps you going! But what drives you is critical to your happiness and health. Let’s look at an example.
What drives you, directs you
You may know someone who is like this or might even recognize these qualities in yourself.
Danielle always cares for others. Whenever you reach out to her, she is always there for you. She’s always willing to put her life on hold just to serve someone else. Everything else always seems more important than her own commitments. For some ‘reason’ she just can’t say ‘no’ and feels responsible for others in a big way. For some people this feeling is so strong, that they don’t even feel the right to be happy if certain family members or friends aren’t happy. So they focus all of their energy on trying to help this person as quickly as possible. Some may say Danielle is ‘driven’ by helping others but how is this drive helping or hurting her?
Have you ever experienced putting a lot of time in someone who shows no sign of appreciation? I hear it often, and have experienced it myself many times. Somebody has a problem, calls you in a panic, asks for your help and….there you go again, putting everything on hold to help them however you can. You do everything possible to help them and even find yourself worrying about them!
But here’s the “not so great” thing that sometimes happens. Being worried about that person, trying to help and find solutions to “fix” the situation. YOU call that person ask how he/she is doing and what flabbergasts you the most is that the other person sounds happy and relieved because the problem they contacted you about was already solved an hour after they called you! Aaargghhhh!! No, they did not find the time to call you with the “good” news. Suddenly they “forgot” your phone number. You were good enough to hear their hopeless stories and cries for help but when it’s all good, you are not in the picture anymore. Can you relate?
Dissect the details
Think about the last time you immersed yourself in helping someone else which didn’t turn out well for you. Take a moment to remember a particular experience.
Put yourself in that situation again, in your mind. Close your eyes and relive it again. Which particular detail pops out immediately? It could be a person, a word, a color or a sound- anything. When you focus on that specific detail what do you feel in your body and where do you feel it? Is there for instance: heaviness, heat, nausea, tightness, or any other feeling? Is it in your chest, head, stomach or somewhere else? Quiet your thoughts and let your subconscious come up with whatever image it wants. Trust what you see and pay attention to what you feel.
These images and feelings are not random; in fact they are part of you! They belong to a catalog of life experiences stored in your subconscious. The details from the most emotionally painful events (many of which you don’t even consciously remember- but your body does) build the beliefs that drive your life. Beliefs built upon powerful negative emotions do not serve you and push you to repeat behavior that sabotages your happiness!
Redirect your drive
A belief that you have to help other people and that you are responsible for someone else’s happiness originates from these deeply hidden pieces of powerful negative emotions in our subconscious- called bad clusters.
When you’re driven by your deeper purpose you’ll achieve happiness, health, success and love effortlessly and naturally. But that purpose is often clouded by the pain from the life experience that form our perspective. Our deepest negative emotions, from subconscious bad clusters, blocks your path towards your purpose and causes unhealthy behaviors and beliefs.
When you break through the pain you open the path to a life filled in passion and purpose!
Discover what drives you and change the direction of your journey towards joy!
Learn how to rise above your mind’s most powerful impulses to heal yourself and improve your life!
I was thinking a lot about ideals lately. We all have them and for some of us, they represent a deeper sense of what we really want from life. These perfected pictures of what life ‘should’ be can sometimes impact people’s decisions, opinions, and plans. But, far too often, I see so many people chasing these ideals without ever reaching them.
What’s the point of ideals if they’re not really improving your life? How do they fit into your current reality?
What Does It Look Like?
Let’s think about your most cherished ideals for a moment. Which ideals do you envision for your community, your family and yourself? Some people think about the ideal figure (Although the reason why so many people focus on that particular ideal and why it drains your energy is a topic for a different blog!)
Anyway, if you had to pick one ideal, what would it be? Do you picture the ideal career, spouse, or house? Perhaps you think about what an ideal society should look like or what an ideal mother is.
Out of all these ideals, which would you say is your most cherished one? What is the main thing that you strive for each day? Although it might be tough, pick the ONE ideal that stands out above the rest. Make sure to answer this question to really enjoy the ride. I’m about to take you on 🙂
I’ll share some of the ones that come up often during sessions with clients. Someone told me “I want to live happy”. Someone else said “I want to have an amazing job”. You might relate and think “Yes, I get it- that’s my ideal too!”
Sharpen The Picture
The sad part about these ideals is that they are too limited for your brain to grasp and, as a result, are doomed to fail. While the words are positive and uplifting, your subconscious brain has no real clue what to do with such a narrow thought. Phrases like “I want to live happy”, or “I want to have an amazing job” are not exact or precise enough for your subconscious to work with. If your subconscious brain does not receive clear instructions detailing an exact picture of what you want to achieve, it is unable to provide your conscious brain with the right ideas and opportunities. It will also be unable to help you notice the little things in life that lead you towards your ideal.
Let’s look at both examples. When someone tells me, “I want to live happy” and “I want to have an amazing job”, my first question is: what, for YOU, is a happy life? What does an amazing job look and feel like for you? These “simple” questions are surprising to hear for many. They often get stuck and don’t know how to respond. Usually they’ll say things like: “That’s weird, I’ve never asked myself this question in depth. I thought it was clear to me, but now I realize it’s not.” This has nothing to do with intelligence. It is all about their deeply rooted emotions and beliefs that inhibited them from creating a detailed and clear picture.
To reach your goals you need to be specific. If you’re not exact, than you will not reach your ideal; not in a million years. Your brain will never make the needed connections to help you realize an ideal if it does not receive detailed information and words that describe even the smallest element of exactly what you’re looking for.
Just go back to the Ideal you picked out for yourself. Ask yourself what does this ideal mean in detail for me? What standard does it have to meet?
Let’s stick to our example: “I want to live happy”.
- What does that mean for you physically and emotionally?
- Where do you want to live?
- Do you want to live in your current residence, a different city or even another state or country?J
- What kind of work would you like to do?
- Do you want to have friends around you and if so what are the specific criteria for these friends?
These and many other details are needed in order for your subconscious to make your ideals a reality.
Watch It Come To Life
As you can tell, there a lot of specifics, but it’s sooo worth it to become aware of them. Once you define what it is you want in detail, your subconscious can make you aware of the smallest opportunities that you normally wouldn’t even notice had you kept your ideal too narrow. The more detailed the image of your ideal is, the easier and faster it is for your subconscious brain to catch the signals in your surroundings that will help you to get where you want to be.
If you are on a mission to realize your ideal you need to envision every detail clearly to make it happen.
Becoming aware of the details of your ideal might lead to a surprising new outcome.
Your overall (narrow) ideal might be clear to you but it is never set in stone. Does that mean you can’t reach it? Of course you can. You will reach YOUR ideal situation, an ideal that fits you best. It can change course once you have all the details clear. By filling in all the details of what exactly it is you want and in what time frame, you’ll be setting a clear goal and direction. Now your subconscious is on high alert and will give you the right and most effective input.
Not having a detailed clear image of what you want does one thing for sure: It won’t allow you to reach your ideal and you will get frustrated, disappointed and discouraged. Dealing with many clients in my practice taught me one thing very clearly: The people that have a clear detailed image of their ideals make that ideal a reality!
Break Through The Barriers
On the other hand, there are others that continue holding on to narrow ideals. They don’t do that because they like it or to disappoint themselves for not achieving it. They do it for a whole different reason; a reason of which they are not aware. Keeping yourself busy and therefore focused on a narrow, non-detailed, “ideal” keeps your brain occupied. In Progressive Mental Alignment we call this a ritual of your friend mechanism part 1 and part 2 Blog. They use it only as a distraction to avoid inner conflicts and don’t actually believe they’ll ever reach it. Curious about how that works and why they do that? Well, that’s a topic for a whole different blog.
For now you should KNOW that your ideals are completely achievable when you actually begin to make the changes and clarify your ideals, including all the details. By doing that your ideals WILL become reality, then you’ll open up your world in unbelievable ways.
You’ll be able to connect on new levels, and meet the powerful prospect of opportunity beyond anything you thought possible. Start to see your dreams come true before your eyes!
Witness the powerful and immediate impact of Progressive Mental Alignment on yourself and others!
We all have an opinion,are driven and decide everything we do based on our beliefs. Some of our beliefs are very powerful and we will do everything possible to defend and hold on to them. Our most powerful beliefs determine who we are, how we think, decide, act and behave.
What are the first beliefs that come to your mind that determine your thinking, decisions, actions and behavior? What are the things in life that you believe you have to do or don’t want to do at all?
Maybe you are not even fully aware of some of your beliefs, although they determine the things you say and do. Your beliefs already kick in when you wake up. Let’s take a look at a very simple example: What is the first thing you believe you have to do in the morning? For some, it’s making coffee and eating breakfast, for others, it’s reading the newspaper or checking your emails or Facebook account. It can be all kinds of things.
How would you feel if you would not do that tomorrow morning? Some of these things might be easy to skip, but others might give you an unpleasant feeling if you would skip them. That feeling is caused because your beliefs are connected to a code that creates these feelings. The feelings serve as some kind of “warning system.” It is almost like your subconscious is telling you: “Hey you there, what’s going on? Did you forget that you have to do that?” Of course your subconscious does not say really say that, 😉 but it almost feels like it.
This process of beliefs that translates into feelings is an ongoing process the entire day. For instance, you might “know” instantly, even by only seeing a certain person, what kind of person that is and if you like them or not. But what creates ‘knowing” that? It is not your rational brain but you know because of the feeling that you get in your body. Why? Because your subconscious comparison material creates the feeling that creates your beliefs and opinion about that person.
This process of feelings that lead to a belief, opinion, judgment, is an ongoing process. This is also why a specific color gives you a good or bad feeling. Or the feeling of liking and disliking a particular kind of food or drink. Sometimes these feelings are so powerful that even thinking of that particular food creates nausea or makes you want to puke. If you can relate to that, what are the food or drinks that trigger a negative feeling inside of you?
We are driven by our beliefs. Our real beliefs are always based on feelings. If this is not the case, it is just a bunch of words without any real meaning to us. If these feelings are caused by activated past experiences and we can remember the event from beginning to end (in Progressive Mental Alignment we call them clusters), then everything is fine. We know why we feel the way we do.
For instance, you hear someone tell you how they cut themselves while preparing food. You can instantly imagine how this feels because you remember that time you cut yourself while preparing a piece of tough meat, or like me, slicing an apple in a not so handy way ;). These are normal memories caused by activated clusters in your subconscious brain.
But the feelings that are generated when a bad cluster is activated are always negative and you can never remember the content of the bad cluster at that moment consciously, but your body will feel the negative feelings coming from that bad cluster. It’s these moments in life when you suddenly experience a negative mood swing without any “apparent” reason.
It could even be at a wonderful party that you were enjoying until suddenly, your good feeling was replaced by a negative feeling. If you are interested you can read about that in a previous blog of mine, Your response pattern: and why everybody responds differently in the exact same situation.
The feelings created by these bad clusters are therefore never appropriate for the present situation. Simple things like a color, smell, taste, a facial expression, gesture, etc. activate these negative feelings.
Let’s assume you are at an important meeting. Suddenly you start to feel uncomfortable without being able to pinpoint a specific reason or cause for these negative feelings.
Your friend mechanism activates its comforting rituals (see my post last week). These rituals/habits that you execute “helps” you to stay in control of the uncomfortable feelings you’re experiencing. Nevertheless, this whole situation creates feelings of insecurity and loss of control. These feelings are unacceptable for us. Your brain will automatically look for a ‘logical’ reason or cause as to why you feel uncomfortable. The ‘logical’ reasons or causes your subconscious comes up with, are nothing else than opinions, judgments, conclusions, theories, or in other words – belief systems! The beliefs you use at that moment are the ones that serve you best, they lead you away from what the real cause is to why you feel or react the way you do.
In this case you might create the beliefs that something is ‘wrong’ at that meeting. You can’t trust all the people there. You have to be careful not to agree to anything they can hold you responsible to later on. Maybe they want to trick you into something you don’t want to do. They don’t want you there. It’s always you they pick on. These are all beliefs! These beliefs you are not born with, they are created during events in your life.
Because the feeling that inspires these beliefs originate from activated bad clusters and are always negative. The beliefs that originate from this bad cluster will also be negative and counterproductive. Because these beliefs soothe and suppress the conscious registration of negative feelings, these beliefs don’t feel wrong to you when you embrace them!
Experiencing these negative feelings in a business meeting can easily lead to missing out on a great financial deal or create unnecessary future tensions between you and your colleagues.
But bad clusters are not just activated at your work. These same negative and unexplainable mood swings can occur at home, when you talk to a friend, during a family meeting, etc.
Can you imagine the damage that could be caused if you would develop incorrect negative beliefs about those who are dearest to you? This is actually the number 1 underlying cause of interpersonal-relationship problems, break-ups, divorces and fights. Keep in mind, I’m referring here to negative beliefs that are empowered by bad clusters. If a negative belief originates from experiences that you can remember (clusters) they are usually correct, and if not, they are easy to change.
Sabotaging belief systems are always fueled by the feelings from activated bad clusters. These feelings belong to the most powerful feelings we have. The belief systems that originate from them are also the most powerful beliefs we have. We even create beliefs upon why these sabotaging beliefs are totally right for us to hold on to.
I understand that it can seem like a lot to grasp at once in a brief blog like this. But the information is all down to earth and easy to follow if you allow yourself to listen to your own body and subconscious mind. I know you have the power in you to do so, and you can turn your negative beliefs in ones that really serve you.
I will continue providing you with helpful tools and insights to explore your true self!